Gravity Rock
by doginsideofyourguitar
Summary: This is a crossover of schoolhouse rock (Don't ask, it's way better than it sounds.) Dipper is pricked by a rose and wouldn't you know it, his voice cracks at the wrong time. This leads his walking to the hospital with 3 hours until he dies. Mabel Has to summon the almighty Bill of Capital Hill to bring her brother back to life. However, they get more than they bargain for.
1. The Deathrose

It was once again a fine, sunny day in Gravity Falls, and Dipper was suicidal as usual. His Sister loved to tease him, and was too oblivious to know that it pissed the little boy off, and his Great Uncle Stan was pretty stupid, and just went along with it because why not. Dipper, Stan, Mabel, and all of the other Mystery Shack folk were at a picnic, eating sandwiches in the Forest when Mabel had an idea that they should spend the night. Dipper thought this actually sounded pretty fun, and decided he would go collect firewood for the night.

Dipper was walking through the forest, and as he looked for dead trees, he began reading Ford's book that he was obsessed as a bitch with, when he got to a page about "The Deathrose". Apparently, if you were pricked by it, the poison would make you begin vomiting, then your blood would clot up, killing you. Apparently, you only had 3 hours to get to a hospital before the poison set in. _Man, that must suck._ Thought Dipper. And he thought this right as he walked into one of the roses. What a dumbass. _Oh, boy, I am fucking stupid._ Dipper thought again. He didn't panic, though, because either Stan or Wendy could just drive him to a hospital and he could be injected with the antidote.

"Guys! Guys!" Dipper said as he ran back to the clearing that his friends and Family were gathered in. "Where's the fire wood?" Mabel asked with a questioning eyebrow raise. "I got stung by this poisonous ROoes plant!" He said, his voice cracking. Grunkle Stan instantly snorted, which triggered everyone else's laughs. _Oh, fuck nuggets._ Dipper thought. The scene was basically a replay of the scene from Bottomless Pit, and Dipper ended up having another one of his edgy puberty tantrums, storming off, yelling about how he would go to the hospital himself.

As Dipper walked as fast as he could to the Gravity Falls Hospital, he realized how stupid his plan was, and that he only had an hour and a half before he was dead. However, it was far too late to turn back, and Dipper continued walking. However, as he did, he began to think. _What's the point? I'll just get to the hospital, one minute away from fucking DIEING and Mabel and dumbass fuckin' Stan will find a way to mock me._ As this thought began to grow on him, he slowed down, acting as stupid as ever, feeling sorry for himself. _If I make it to the hospital, fine, whatever, but if I don't then I can finally have peace._ He thought. With 20 minutes left before he died, he began puking. Dipper hadn't anticipated the agony he would be in. He vomited up everything in his stomach, growing weaker with every hurl, painting himself in the viscous mixture. Eventually, he couldn't take it anymore, and just sat curled up in a ball, crying silently, and it was getting dark, so no one would be on this secluded part of the road to help him. However, It would only get worse, as the Blood clotting effect of the poison had just set in. Dipper could feel every part of the intense, electric pain shooting up through his arm as he began to cry harder, the pain spreading until he finally met the sweet, sweet release of death.

Back at the campsite, Wendy and Soos were beginning to get worried. They weren't worried that they had insulted him, as he never held grudges, and would probably come back and say that he acted stupid, as he always did. They did not know of his suicidal thoughts. Mabel and Grunkle Stan weren't worried. They had just assumed he went back to the Shack to let his Temper Tantrum run through. "You know, guys, he shouldn't be gone this long. I mean, as funny as his voice crack was, he sounded pretty serious." Wendy said, worriedly. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is probably the same as the snake bite." Stan replied, remembering how the bite that Dipper made such as big deal over didn't even get swollen. Eventually, everyone had a dinner of Hot Dogs cooked over the fire, and went into their tents. Wendy and Soos decided that Stan was probably right, and went to sleep. Stan fell asleep instantly, because he is Stan, and he doesn't give a shit about any of this. Mabel, however, felt something was wrong. She could feel it. It might be superstitious, but something told her that her twin brother was _not_ ok. After about an hour more of sleeplessness, she got up, and hopped into the golf cart, making her way towards the hospital.

Mabel had only been driving for a bit when she noticed something yellow shimmering in the moonlight. She stopped and sure enough, it was Dipper's Journal 4. Her heart instantly dropped as she got out of the cart and walked up to her twin. Sure enough, he was dead. Some blood that had seeped out of his mouth was drying, and he looked like he had been in immense agony. "DIPPER!" She screamed, shaking her dead brother and repeating his name. Once the reality of his death set in, all she could do was lay down on him and cry. As she did this, she thought about how he probably let this happen because of her and her dumb Grunkle's teasing, her obliviousness completely shattered. Eventually, she decided she needed to break the terrible news to everyone and dragged her dead brother's body into the seat next to her and drove back to the shack with tears in her eyes.

Everyone was shocked, and in disbelief at the fact he was dead, trying to blame themselves for it. After a few quiet and incomplete days without Dipper, his body sitting a casket, Mabel was looking through Journal 4, as it reminded her of her brother, whose funeral would be the next day, back at home. However, she found a page, one that just might be useful. On it, written at the top was: "REINCARNATION SPELL OF THE BILL" With what appeared to be a rolled up scrap of paper with limbs, a cheeky smile and happy eyes, and a pin that had "BILL" written on it stuck to its chest, below the title, with a caption that said: "CAUTION: ONLY USE THIS SPELL UNDER DIRE CONSEQUENCES" Getting her brother back was pretty dire to Mabel.

 **So whoop-de-doo. There you go folks. A fluffy story. Does that make up for Grunkle Stan kills his Friends and Family? Is this T or M? I don't know. I'm gonna put it at T for now, because it had swearing, but not much violence at all, maybe later though, but I'll change the rating to M if that happens. Cheers, Doginsideofyourguitar.**


	2. REINCARNATION SPELL OF THE BILL

It was the dead of night, and Stan and Ford were sleeping. I guess you could say Dipper was sleeping, too. Eternally. Well, Mabel wasn't. It was like fucking midnight, and she was still dead awake, filled with anticipation. Once she was absolutely sure nobody was awake except for her, she went downstairs. After fumbling around in the dark a bit, trying to find the basement door, she succeeded, and opened the door, walking down the steps. When she got downstairs, she found a large coffin, which she opened to reveal her deceased brother, who thankfully hadn't had his organs taken out yet. She grabbed the body by the feet, knowing that he would be too heavy to carry, and began dragging him up the stairs, into the gift shop, then into the kitchen, and up the attic stairs. He would have a massive headache when he woke up, but some pain killers would fix it and it's better to have a headache then be dead. Once she had gotten to the attic, she laid him down in the center of the room. This was step one of the Reincarnation Spell of the Bill. She looked down at the journal which was now resting next to the cadaver that used to be her brother. "STEP 2: PAINT A PENTAGRAM OUT OF BLOOD, SO THAT THE BODY IS IN THE MIDDLE" That was cliche even for Mabel. Realizing she didn't have any blood, she grabbed Dipper's pocket knife out of his pocket and, biting her lip, slashed a big gouge in her left hand. She then began to scrape the wound across the ground, making a crude pentagram. It hurt like hell, but she knew it would all be worth it when her brother was back to being alive. She then looked at step 3. "STEP 3: PLACE 5 GUMMY KOALAS AROUND THE PENTAGRAM AT THE ENDS OF THE STAR" Mabel gave this step a very questioning look. However, Ford wrote this, and he knew all about this stuff, so she trusted it, and 5 Gummy Koalas were placed on the pentagram. The final step was a chant. How original. Mabel thought the chant looked very, _very,_ strange, but once again went with it, and began to chant in her adorable 12 year old girl voice.

 _I'm Just a Bill_

 _Yes I'm Only a Bill_

 _And I'm Sitting here on capitol hill_

As soon as the chant was finished, Mabel had a very bright flash go into her vision of what she swore was the same Bill on the journal page, except very menacing and less happy, with a "KILL" pin instead of a "BILL" pin. (It looked like this: . ) However, once the vision was over, which it only lasted about 1 second, everything was back to normal. She was still thinking about the vision, trying to decipher it, when she heard her brother speak. "Uhhg… Mabel, my head feels like its gonna explode…" She instantly snapped out of her thinking and with a loud "DIPPER!" she embraced her brother, squeezing him to the point where he felt HE might explode. "Yeah… I… love you too, Mabel…" Dipper said, confused. "Dipper! Don't ever scare me like that again!" She said, and before Dipper had a chance to ask what the hell was going on, she told him again, "You must be so hungry! Come on, Dipstick, I'll get you a snack!" Dipper was confused, but didn't question it because he was actually super hungry.

The Twins were downstairs, eating all of the cheese puffs and potato chips they could get out of the vending machine. "Mabel, I had the weirdest dream…" Dipper explained. "Go on." Mabel said in between bites of Super Chips. "It was really weird… Me, you, Wendy, Soos, and Grunkle Stan where all camping in the woods and I went to get firewood when I was looking at the Deathrose from the journal, and next thing I know, I walked right into one! I think my voice cracked or something and I had a fit, and decided to walk to hospital, but the poison got me and I died. It was really vivid, like it feels more like a memory than a dream…" Mabel realized her cover could be blown. "Wow, must have been scary! I feel the same way when I have nightmares, too." Mabel tried to convince her brother. He ate it up, and they continued eating. Mabel also made a resolution with herself to not tease her brother anymore, knowing that was a big part of why he died originally. Just then, Dipper noticed the red gash on Mabel's hand. "Oh my goodness Mabel! Are you ok?" he shout-asked. "Let's get that cleaned up!" He said again not even waiting for an answer.

Dipper and Mabel were in Stan's private downstairs bathroom, and Dipper was dressing Mabel's wound. Just about then, Stan had woken up, and decided it was time for his night-piss. He got up, and without hesitation, moved to the bathroom, ready to release his bladder. However, when he walked in, he saw his niece and nephew, the latter whom was wrapping his sisters cut hand in a bandage. Grunkle Stan let loose a bloodcurdling scream before pointing at them and yelling "DEMON!" over and over again. "Calm down Grunkle Stan! You can't have this entire bathroom to yourself!" Dipper said angrily. However, this was not what Grunkle Stan was screaming about. Dipper didn't know he was dead for the past couple of days. "FORD THERE'S A DEMON IN THE HOUSE! DO SOMETHING!" Stan yelled to his sleeping brother. Ford woke up to his overweight sibling screaming about Demons or some shit. Very reluctantly, he got up to see what the problem was. "Stan, are you taking your meds? That's not a demon, that's just Dip… Wait a minute…" Ford, too, remembered that Dipper was dead. "Amazing!" He proclaimed. "The flower must have some strange properties… This might mean it could be used as a revolutionary medicine! I must update the journal!" Ford said loudly, snatching the journal out of Dipper's hands and running towards the basement. While this happened, Grunkle Stan was still running around in circles, screaming. "Grunkle Stan! Be quiet!" Mabel said in a cross way. "Ok." Stan replied, instantly ceasing his running and screaming, walking back to bed. Dipper gave a questioning look to Mabel. He didn't even have to say anything. "I'm sure they're just slipping with age…" Mabel explained. This got a small laugh out of Dipper, and they, too, went back to bed.

Meanwhile, a being that was very far away, while also very close was watching, thinking. Eventually, it stopped it's idle foot up and down movement, and smiled. "Oh, I'm gonna be a law real soon… real soon… just you wait and see, Dorough…" and with an evil smile, he vanished.

* * *

 **Yay! That was chapter 2! If you don't rate I will kill you!**


	3. I'm Just a Bill

It was a slow night at the Gravity Falls Armoury Store. Nobody came to buy guns at midnight, on a weekday. So, naturally, Steve, the clerk at the shop, was sleeping. "Oh, hoh, hoh… Now is my chance…" an entity said, watching. Once he had fused with this strange dimension, there was no going back. "Dorough, you're gonna wish you'd never done it…"

It was once again another fine day, or 2 o'clock in the morning, I should say, and Dipper and Mabel were just getting out of bed. Their great uncle Stan had called them down for breakfast. Pancakes, as usual. Dipper sighed. "I miss last summer. Nothing interesting is happening. Grunkle Stan, you haven't even taken us on any fishing trips!" he exclaimed. "Yeah, well, that's life kid." Grunkle Stan replied. Mabel was rubbing her eyes, still half asleep. "Grunkle Stan… It's not even light out…" she complained. "Yeah, well, the police stole my car. Said it had traces of illegal pugs or something… You kids get to make me a fake ID so i can get into the dealership! Think of that as a fun experience!" The Grunkle replied, raising his eyebrows at Dipper, who just sighed again.

The entity was about to switch dimensions. Knowing that the change would be bright, he went into the broom closet behind the desk and begun his transformation. A blinding white light filled the room, and with it, he began to morph out of what could only be described as an invisible wall in the air. Once he was done, he plopped onto the ground, instantly feeling the bizarre sensation of what we know to be gravity. He looked at his thin, white limbs, balling his stubby fingers in, then out. After teetering around a bit in a failing attempt to walk, he came to terms with the fact that in this dimension, there was something constantly pulling you down. Finally, he looked at his pin to make sure it was still intact. It was, after all, his favorite thing. Sure enough, the pin was in tip top condition, the word "BILL" written cleanly on it.

"That's right. Hurry up and finish that fake ID before the cops find out I'm making you two do this." Grunkle Stan said, gorging on snacks. Dipper and Mabel, of course, where much less thrilled at the situation. "Grunkle Stan… Why can't you make your own fake ID's? Why are you making me and Dipper do it? And you're not even letting us have fun with it…" Mabel moaned. "Believe me, I would, but I don't think the dealership will accept an ID with stickers and glitter on it." The twins sighed, the ID almost finished.

The cheeky roll of paper walked up behind the store clerk, pulling himself up on the back of the chair to get a better look. With an inaudible laugh, he grabbed the top and bottom of the clerk's head, and with one quick yank, the clerk's neck was snapped. The being laughed sadistically, before grabbing the most dangerous, easily concealable gun he could find, an Uzi that was already loaded and hidden behind the desk, slipping it into himself where his rolled up-ness ended. With that, he walked out, remembering how hard it was to move in this dimension, and began his trek towards a tourist trap in the woods.

"Aha! Good job kids! It almost looks like it would fool Blubbs and Durland!" Stan said, patting his great niece and nephew's heads. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a car to steal!" The kid's Grunkle said, walking out the door of the mystery shack. Dipper and Mabel looked at each other and shrugged. It wasn't light out yet, so they decided to play a board game.

The roll of paper was walking through the woods, taking in the strange scenery. He was observing a rather peculiar mushroom when some shaggy, disgusting creature that had a pointy hat and limbs attached to its head popped out of a bush, along with about 5 versions of him that had white beards, and smaller heads. That is, except for one, which had a messed up eye, and looked like it had… seen some things... "Hey, hey! You! I, Jeff of the gnomes, declare, STOP EYEING MY MUSHROOM! IT'S NOT COOL MAN!" The entity didn't even say anything. With one curious look, he pulled the uzi out of himself and began firing at the gnomes, injuring a few but mostly just scaring them all away. "WOAH WOAH WOAH! EVERYONE TAKE COVER!" He heard the leader gnome say before they scattered into the bushes, making squealing noises. No person or No thing was to get between him and the U.S. Constitution.

It was finally light out. "I win! Again!" Dipper shouted to Mabel, who gave him a bored look before suggesting that they have a water balloon fight outside. Dipper still had no idea he had died just a couple days earlier. The twins started filling up water balloons in the sink, talking about what they were gonna do with Grunkle Stan when he got back from… stealing a car… (You can't say that in a cute way, it just does not work.) They were finally done, when they walked outside. Dipper walked down the steps of the mystery shack, eyeing the scenery. "Wow, Mabel! It's a beautiful day!" Just then, he felt pressure on his back, followed by cold water running down his shirt. "Tag! You're it!" Mabel yelled before running around in sporadic directions. With a laugh, Dipper grabbed a balloon and started chasing Mabel.

The entity had finally made it to the shack. The twins were now having a full on water balloon fight, the liquid spraying everywhere. Some landed on the eavesdropping paper entity's feet. He didn't know what it was, but it stung like a bitch. He let out a quiet sound of anger. It would be even more satisfying when he pumped the two full of led. Mabel was just about to splatter a water balloon into Dipper's chest at point-blank range, when she saw something in her peripheral vision, looking to see what it was and dropping the balloon into her own sweater, gasping. Dipper looked. The entity now had full attention on him. Mabel started to approach him. He was about the same size as the twins, maybe half a foot smaller. "Who are you?" Mabel exclaim-questioned. "Well, I could explain in song." The entity said.

 _I'm just a Bill!_

 _Yes I'm only a Bill!_

 _And I'm sitting her on cap-_

"HEY! THAT'S JUST LIKE THE CHANT I USED TO RES-" Mabel shouted, cutting herself short, remembering that Dipper was right behind her, thankfully oblivious. "Hmm…" Dipper thought out loud. "Mabel, I have had bad experiences with living paper before…" He said. "Oh, how rude of me. Lemme introduce myself. My name is Bill, and I can assure you I am here on no malicious intent. Infact, I just want to be a law!" Bill explained. Dipper seemed to be reassured by this. "Alright. How can we help you?" Dipper said, wanting to lend a hand to the clearly helpless creature. "Well, If you can get me to the airport, I could catch a flight to D.C.!" Bill said. "Ummm… We… really aren't in the position to do tha-" Dipper was cut short by Mabel. "Dipper! Don't you see how good of an opportunity this is!? We could actually say we helped a living law!" Mabel exclaimed. "Bill. I am only a Bill." Bill corrected her. Dipper sighed. He knew at this point there was no turning back. When Mabel wanted something done, it would get done. "*Sigh* Alright, I'll go wake up Ford and we'll drive him there in his truck." So, Dipper and Mabel went into the shack to wake up their sleeping Grunkle Ford.

It definitely took some bickering, but eventually Ford agreed to drive the smiling roll of paper to the airport. They were in Ford's truck, which Stan refused to use, hence why he was stealing a car. Dipper and Mabel were sitting in the backseat, with the enthusiastic paper-roll between them. "Hey! Finish your song!" Mabel exclaimed. And without further hesitation, Bill complied

 _I'm just a Bill,_

 _Yes i'm only a Bill,_

 _And I'm sitting here on capitol hill._

 _While, it's a long, long journey,_

 _To the capital city,_

 _With alotta other bills, just like me_

 _But I know I'll be a law some da-_

"Please, please! Stop that!" Ford yelled. "I can't drive with that song in my ears!" He yelled again. "Jeez, grunkle ford! Stop being such a sourpuss!" Mabel said in a scolding way. They had finally gotten to the airport. Dipper and Mabel stepped out of the car, along with Bill and Ford. "Well, here we are! Good luck becoming a law!" Dipper said to the little scrap of paper. "You too!" Bill responded. He laughed heartily as he walked to the door of the airport. However, as he got closer, the laugh became less happy, and more maniacal, until it turned into a full on evil laugh. Bill suddenly stopped and turned around, pulling out the Uzi he had been keeping inside of himself. And with a surprised and startled gasp from the Pines, He began firing it in their general direction, completely destroying the car and sending pedestrians scrambling. However, as Mabel was slower to duck then Ford and Dipper, he locked right onto her, filling her with at least 17 bullets. She coughed up some blood, before falling to the ground. "Oh hoh hoh! Looks like someone got vetoed!" Bill said before prancing into the airport. Screaming could be heard from inside. "MABEL!" Dipper shouted, holding clutching his barely alive sister tightly. "YOU LITTLE PAPER BASTARD! I'LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS!" Dipper screamed, running at the airport entrance. However Ford grabbed him by the back of his sweater. "DIPPER NO! IT'S TOO DANGEROUS!" He yelled. "GRUNKLE FORD LET ME GO HE JUST SHOT MY SISTER!" Dipper said. "Dipper, I started this, I need to end it. You need to get Mabel to the hospital asap. Ford ran in. Dipper couldn't drive. He just knelt down next to his sister, crying, helpless. Just then. However, someone pulled up. Stan. "Hey Dipper! You look like you might need a ride! Hop in back! This things only got room for one person up front." Dipper was overjoyed, so without hesitation, he lifted Mabel and put her in the back compartment of the truck, getting on himself.

Inside the airport, Bill was going on a killing spree, laughing as blood was splattered everywhere. He shot one pedestrian after another, making them flee like animals. With every splatter of blood on the wall, his laughs became more and more crazed. He looked up to see the available flights. "74 TO PENNSYLVANIA" It was close enough. He would just hijack the plane. With another evil laugh, Bill exclaimed "Constitution, here I come!" just as Ford burst in.


	4. Packing Heat

Ford stepped into the airport and the metallic smell hit him like a battering ram. The walls where practically painted in blood. It didn't take him long to spot Bill, who was in the TSA area, shooting up equipment and people, laughing like a maniac. Without further ado, Ford ran over to him. "Bill! Stop this now you madman!" Ford yelled. "Oh-hoo! Or what are you gonna do?" Bill replied, with that, firing 30 bullets in Ford's direction, who dodged most of them, but got several bleeding cuts and grazes on his arms. Ford then realized that his plan really was pretty dumb. He had no weapon of any kind. However, just then, he spotted a guy in the running crowds, who was wearing a turban, carrying a pistol. Obviously a terrorist. While Bill was busy shooting up a sushi restaurant, Stan ran over to the man, tripping him and knocking him out. He grabbed the terrorist's pistol. He was not letting Bill get away. He ran back through the ruined TSA, to the sushi restaurant, which was now painted red, the racist oriental music still playing. "Well, well, well. Looks like it's time to veto someone else…" a bloodstained Bill said, turning around and facing ford.

"Please… Send help.. He's shooting every-" The call was cut off by an uzi shot from Bill. "This is a code red! I repeat, a code red at the Gravity Falls national airport!" There was chaos at the police station. There was never an organized attack this large since 9/11, and it could get very much worse than that tragedy if nothing was done soon. "I'm getting new info! A car with people related to the incident is trying to leave!" Said an operator. She was beginning to become overloaded with stress. "We need to catch that car, but we need to send people to the airport! What do we do?" She said again, hoping for an answer. "I can handle it…" said a grizzled, ripped, cia looking guy. He was the chief of police for the sector that Gravity Falls happened to reside in.

"I'll shoot!" Yelled Ford at the threatening Bill. "Oh, go ahead and try." Bill said again, knowing Ford thought he didn't know of the pistol. "I will!" yelled Ford again, pulling out the pistol. He fired round after round into the relentless, blood coated paper scrap. It was to no avail. Bill continued to laugh as hole after hole was punctured in him. Ford's heart began to sink when he ran out of bullets, seeing the renegade Bill pull out some tape and just begin patching them up. Bills didn't have vital organs or blood. "Time to veto you away, six fingers." Just as Bill was about to pull the trigger on the helpless Ford, the sound of glass and walls being broken could be heard. "THIS IS THE POLICE! THIS AREA MUST BE EVACUATED IMMEDIATELY!" They both heard repeated over, and over, and over, over, over again. "Well, that's my cue!" Bill said, leaving from a hidden exit out of the restaurant, into the flight waiting area.

Grunkle Stan had started the car. "Man, I'm surprised they didn't just destroy this thing! There's a bunch of weapons back here! "Whatever, Grunkle Stan, just get us to the hospital." Dipper replied. But just as they were starting up, they heard the unmistakeable sirens of a police car. A grizzled man with a "Chief of Police" pin in his shirt came out. "This is the police! Turn off the car and get out now!" He yelled. However, as he was saying it, Grunkle Stan had already driven away. The chief pulled out a walkie talkie phone thing, and called backup.

The police had surrounded Ford. It just then struck him that his situation looked pretty bad. He was in a blood coated restaurant, carrying a gun during a massive terror attack. "Cease your attack on the airport right now!" He heard one of the cops yell. "It wasn't me! It was-" He was cut off by "Anything you do or say can and will be used against you!" Ford realized that it was completely useless. He had several guns pointed directly at his head. He tried to make a scramble to the door Bill had escaped from, but it was useless. The cops instantly seized him, dragging him out to a car, where he would most likely be driven to prison in.

"Listen kid, I know this seems really bad, what with driving a stolen car full of weapons away from a huge terrorist attack, but I'm sure they'll understand. They are cops after all, their job is to protect." Grunkle Stan said to Dipper. He solemnly agreed, sitting down next to his sister and praying that she would be alright. However, just then, Dipper and Grunkle Stan heard the sirens again, getting gradually louder. "Orrrrr, maybe not. Brace yourself kid, this could be trouble." Stan said, as Dipper looked up to see 5 cop cars chasing the pickup. Without any questions, the cops began shooting at the truck. "Gah! They're opening fire?!" Dipper shouted. "Here, kid! There's tons of weapons back here! I know this is a tough task for a 13 year old, but keep them at bay until we get to the hospital!" Grunkle Stan told Dipper. He tossed a "weapon" out through the truck's sunroof. It was a bag of rocks. "Really Grunkle Stan. Yeah, rocks are TOTALLY going to defend me from cops with FUCKING GUNS!" Dipper yelled angrily. "WHATEVER! HOLD ON I'M TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING BETTER, DAMNIT!" Stan yelled. Suddenly the firing ceased. "STOP MOVING THE CAR OR LETHAL FORCE WILL BE UTILIZED!" a cop yelled through a megaphone. "LETHAl FORCE IS _ALREADY_ BEING UTILIZED!" Dipper yelled as he threw a rock at the cop leaning out of the car window holding the megaphone. It hit him in between his eyes, and he was KOed. With nobody to control the car it veered off the road and into a trench, the other cars barely dodging it. "Hey, whaddaya know?" Dipper said, holding the rock bag. "Here, Dipper, take this! This is definitely better than a bag of rocks! Stan shouted, tossing a shotgun out the sunroof. "Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!" Dipper yelled, grabbing the shotgun and cocking it. However, the police had begun firing again, Dipper ducked down, waiting until they had to reload. "Damn kids!" Yelled the chief of police. "They're so much harder to hit than adults!" And with that, Dipper un-crouched, and fired a shot out of the shotgun. He wasn't anticipating the recoil, and slammed back against the tray window of the truck, breaking it. "NO! NO! YOU CAN'T TAKE ME ALIVE!" He heard his Grunkle yell, with an exacerbated "You scared me kid!" Once he realized it wasn't the cops. "Be careful of the recoil on that thing!" He said again. Dipper stood up to access the damage. He realized he had gotten 2 cars. One cop was shot in the shoulder, causing him to lose control, while the other just had several buckshot shoot through his window, causing him to panic and lose control. Dipper felt badass until he remembered he was firing rounds into the national heros of the U.S. _Oh well. Desperate times call for desperate measures._ Dipper thought. "DAMN ROOKIES! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELVES! HE'S JUST A DAMN KID!" The chief yelled in anger, sending out 3 of his carmates on motorcycle to get a better aim at the pickup. Before they had a chance to fire, Dipper shot the shotgun, practically leaping forward to avoid the recoil. It worked, and 2 of the cops were shot dead, while the other had his wheels popped, causing him to comically just grind to a halt, falling behind the chaos. Dipper cocked the gun once again, ready to get rid of the 2 remaining cars, those of the Chief and his Deputy. He was about to fire when he realized his gun was out. "Grunkle Stan the shotguns out!" He yelled. "Shit!" replied his Grunkle. "Uhhh… .oh boy." Stan the man exclaimed again. Dipper ducked again as another torrent of bullets were fired at him. He made sure to cover his slowly dying sister so that no cop bullets could finish Bill's job. "Oh yeah! These are real strong looking!" Stan said as he started to slide an AK-47 and an automatic sniper rifle over the sunroof. However, he slipped, sending the guns waaay over the truck, and into the hands of the 2 remaining policemen. "Whoopsies! Heh, heh! Butterfingers! You caught those right!?" Stan said in a funny manner. "GRUNKLE STAN WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST PUT THOSE THROUGH THE BROKEN WINDOW!?" Dipper yelled in confusion and anger. "Oh, yeah. Well what does it matter? You caught them, right?" Stan asked."GRUNKLE STAN YOU FUCKING IDIOT! THE COPS CAUGHT THOSE!" Dipper yelled. With a horrified "oh." Grunkle Stan sped the car up as fast as he could. They had been on the same secluded forest highway since they started. The sides of the car were instantly pelted with bullets over and over and over again, probably from the cop with the AK. Dipper and Grunkle Stan ducked AND covered. Just then, the back guard of the truck's tray was blown off by the sniper cop. With a terrified scream, Dipper scrambled, dragging his sister with him, trying to find a hiding place. "DIPPERQUICKTAKETHIS!" Stan yelled, throwing a pistol through the broken back window. It was better than nothing. Dipper quickly grabbed it, and shot at sniper cop, who was reloading. It hit him through the window and in the chest, causing him to drop the rifle and clutch his chest in pain, screaming and veering off the road like all the other cops. He did the same to the chief, but didn't get nearly as strong of a reaction. The chief, unlike the other cops, had tons of experience, and had gotten shot too many time to count. He just grimaced a bit, grabbing the bullet out, as it had not pierced very deep at all due to the angle it was shot at and the thick cop door window. "Get it ready! Now! I'm coming back!" The chief yelled as he turned around to go back. Dipper, with a surprised noise, stood up and began to celebrate. "Aha! I knew you could do it kid!" Grunkle Stan yelled, high fiving him through the broken window. "Only about 30 more minutes to the hospital! Mabel should be able to make it that far!" He said again. Dipper had made it out with only a few grazes, and after a bit of driving and Dipper looking closely over Mabel to make sure she was still alive, Dipper began talking. "Whew, Grunkle Stan. I'm just glad it's over…" He said. However, as they continued to drive, a shadow began to loom over the truck. Fear began to move down Dipper's back as he looked up behind his it. Looming over them, was a tank with the letters "SWAT" Written across the side, and it looked like it was an aesthetically converted military tank, only for the most dire situations, at least 5 times the size of the pickup.

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 **As always, I hope you enjoyed and remember to review, lest I kill your family!**


	5. Bill Hijacks a Jet

Grunkle Ford voiced his disapproval very loudly, but it was not going to work. Everytime he yelled out, he was punched in the shoulder by one of the cops. They dragged him out of the bloody airport, ignoring his warnings. Eventually, he was thrown into a cop car, the doors locking and the car driving away.

"GRUNKLE STAN! WHAT DO WE DO!?" Dipper asked in a frenzied manner, as the tank rapidly approached their pickup. Out of a speaker embedded into the side of the tank, Dipper could hear "YOU WILL BE EXECUTED ON THIS SPOT IF YOU DO NOT STOP RESISTANCE THIS INSTANT!". Grunkle Stan sped up as fast as the pickup would go, but it was no use, the giant ass tank was much larger, with a barbed tread that would crush the car and a giant box shaped mount on top, filled with weapons of mass destruction, and it was up against a stolen fucking pickup truck. As soon as Dipper fired a shot of pistol at the tank (It bounced off, not even leaving a dent), the top mount began to fire 3 mini missiles, which completely dented the tray of the Pickup, and would have hit Mabel if Dipper didn't grab her out of the way quickly. "Grunkle Stan! Take Mabel!" Dipper said before sliding his barely awake sister in through the broken glass window of the pickup, before Grunkle Stan had time to protest having his niece's bleeding body squeezing up next to him. The chief of police realized how stupid an idea firearms where. _What am I doing? This tank it 5 times bigger than their truck!_ The chief thought, before speeding up as fast as he could. "Grunkle Stan, he's GONNA CRUSH US! Dipper said as the barbed, 2 ton treads came closer and closer the the truck. "Shit, Shit, FUCKNUGGETS!" Yelled Grunkle Stan. "Aha!" He yelled again, finding MOTHERFUCKING GRENADES in the glove compartment. Throw these at the treads! He yelled. At a loss of ideas and a 10 ton tank 5 meters away from him, Dipper pulled the pin, chucking the grenade. It was swept under the treads before exploding, sending the right side of the tank soaring into the air, swerving, and finally coming back down sideways, putting a considerate amount of distance between the Pines and the metal death machine. However, Tanks would not be tanks without long distance weapons, and a chain gun began being fired. Foot long pullets slammed into the truck, one after another, causing Dipper to yelp in fear before yelling "GET THE HELL DOWN!" and jumping in through the window next to Grunkle Stan and his bleeding sister. "GAH! WHAT THE HELL KID!" Stan yelled causing him to swerve like a maniac. However, this was a miracle in disguise. The chain gun's bullets missed the truck. However, there was no longer a need for them, as the tank was back to being dangerously close to the truck. Dipper and Grunkle Stan realized they couldn't just keep chucking grenades. They would eventually run out. Dipper climbed out, throwing more at the treads, keeping it at bay while Stan looked for something, anything. "Ah-HA!" Yelled Grunkle Stan, pulling out a MOTHERFUCKING ROCKET LAUNCHER! "JESUS CHRIST GRUNKLE STAN! IS THAT EVEN LEGAL FOR _ANYONE_ TO OWN!?" Dipper screamed. "YOU WANNA NOT DIE, RIGHT!?" Stan questioned back. Dipper couldn't argue with this. "BESIDES, WE'RE ALMOST AT THE HOSPITAL!" Stan screamed again. Dipper was given the launcher, and loaded it. It had one rocket, and it was the only one he had. He struggled holding it, and instead opted to use it like a mounted sniper. _Well, here goes nothing!_ He thought as he aimed it and fired it. It was a flawless shot. It took out all of the four weapons on the tank's top gun. "YES!" Dipper screamed, high fiving Stan through the window. However, he turned back when he heard a low pitched piston sound. No. Fucking. Way. The tank began pulling up a launcher which held a 6 foot fuckin' missile. There was no way they would survive that. He closed his eyes, waiting for his flesh to burn to ashes, but instead heard. "OH! CRAP! THIS IS GONNA BE ROUGH!" from Grunkle Stan as he turned around to see a huge barricade of cop cars in front of the hospital. With screams from everybody, the truck collided, sending Dipper into the air, 14 feet up, then back down, landing on his knees and elbows, skinning them beyond belief. The force was still there, though, and his head, too, smacked into the ground. With that, it was lights out.

Bill was now in the waiting area. There was no commotion there, as he had been so frenzied and quick with his shooting that there wasn't even enough time to warn people in that area. The airport was pretty huge anyways, which was also a big part of it. He wandered for a bit until he found flight 74. It was already boarding. He got in line, hoping to attract as little attention as possible. However, that wasn't really hard because there seemed to be no tourists on the plane, and if you are commuting and are worried about getting to work late, you'll find that even if you see a living roll of paper, it's hard to give a shit. He walked through the long tube that connects the planes to the airport, and into the plane. He got some bizzare looks, but again, everyone wanted to get whatever they were doing done, so it didn't matter. Bill went back to the farthest seat in the back of the plane. He was sat alone, as he looked looked out the window and smiled an evil, horrible, grin.

Ford was strapped to a chair, with a bright light hanging above him. It was just like a really shitty cop show. "What do you want?!" he yelled, shaking, to no avail. "Why were you shooting up the Gravity Falls Airport?" some police agent person asked. "I wasn't shooting up the airpor-" Ford was cut off. "Nonsense!" the agent said again. "You were inside of a bloody restaurant with a gun!" the agent followed himself up. Ford sighed. "Let me explain, damnit… This is going to sound insane, but it's a living scrap of paper! He's going to highjack a plane! I was trying to stop him!" Ford explained. The agent just looked at him like he was a fucking madman. "I think he's just mentally unstable." the agent said to some other person. "I'm not crazy! Just believe me for one second!" Ford replied. However, the agents weren't going to believe him, and he was carried to a cell.

Dipper came to most likely 10 to 20 seconds later, surrounded by ruined cop cars. In front of him was the tank, flipped over, and severely dented in the front, the treads hanging off the wheels. It was completely unusable. Next to it was the pickup truck he had been in, the front crushed a bit, but thankfully not enough to render anyone in the front seat dead. His Uncle and Sister were in there, afterall. As soon as he was done taking in his situation and now fully awake, he noticed the sharp, grating pain coming from his knees and elbows. He let loose a strained scream, looking at his knees. Mabel wasn't the only one who would be needing hospital care. However, just then, out of the ruined hatch exit climbed the Chief of Police, Instantly spotting Dipper. Dipper tried to get up, but everytime he tried, he just fell back down with a yelp. The knee pain was too much. The chief walked up to him, pressing his gun against Dipper's head. All Dipper could do was close his eyes and wait for his brains to be blown out. "It's the end of the line, kid. You and your uncle have killed enough people." He said. He began to pull the trigger down. But right before the bullet came out, he got a call. "Yes? Make it snappy, or this terrorist might get away!" He said, placing his foot on Dipper's leg so he couldn't get away. "WHAT!? THEY AREN'T RELATED TO THE SHOOTING!?" He yelled into his phone. "DON'T PATRONIZE ME! I JUST LOST SEVERAL MEN BECAUSE OF YOU! NOT TO MENTION ONE OF OUR ONLY TANKS!" he yelled again. "I ALSO ALMOST _KILLED_ AN INNOCENT CHILD! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER YOU PANSY ASS BASTARDS!" The chief said once again in the same angry way. He hung up and it took him a while to cool down. As he recovered from his anger at this whole thing, he let all of the cops know that it was a false alarm and the damage would probably cost upwards of 1 million something dollars. Then he returned to Dipper. "Why are you here anyways?" He asked. This is what pushed Dipper over the edge… "Why am I here?! WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE!? I'LL TELL YOU WHY I'M HERE, ALRIGHT! WHILE YOU AND YOUR FUCKHEAD BUDDIES WERE CHASING ME AND MY UNCLE MY SISTER WAS BLEEDING TO DEATH AND SHE PROBABLY DIED ON IMPACT WITH YOUR STUPID BARRICADE YOU FUCKER!" Dipper screamed at the chief of police. The chief instantly felt like a shit's shit. He decided to help get Stan and Mabel out of the rubble, and him and his men carried Mabel and Dipper into the hospital. Grunkle Stan was miraculously uninjured.

Ford was now in a cell. The agents were all closely monitoring the airport when they got an emergency call from inside flight 74. They answered it. "Paper… Alive… Hijacked…" Was all they heard, along with gunshots. "Dear god… He was right…" One of the agents muttered under their breath.

Inside of the plane, Bill sat at the cockpit, surrounded by 2 dead pilots. He took the plane off the course and was now flying very erratically towards Washington DC, towards the White House. Everybody in the back was screaming, and it just made him more excited. As the plane hovered very close to the White House, he aimed it downwards, getting terrified screams from passengers. "Lawhood, here I come!" Bill yelled as the plane accelerated down towards the White House.

 **I hope you enjoyed this silly chapter of this silly story, as I certainly enjoyed writing it. Always remember that the universe is a hologram and if you don't review I'll kill everyone you love in front of you.**


	6. Lawhood

The plane crashed into the whitehouse, causing it to collapse. Everyone in the plane except Bill was instantly killed. Bill jumped out of the broken window of the plane, gunning down Whitehouse people left and right. He headed for the residential area. He eventually got to the door leading to president Quentin Trembley's room. The president was watching TV when Bill burst in, Uzi in hand.

Dipper and Mabel were next to each other in matching hospital beds. They both had tons of IV's chords, sensors, etc connected to them. Grunkle Stan sat awkwardly in the room. He would be lying if he said he was glad to be there. However, as he continued to sit there, he heard his phone ring. He picked it up and looked who it was. Wendy. "Hey, Stan! Uhh, I heard there was a shooting at the airport. I'm just checking to make sure the twins are ok. You guys weren't at the shack when I went in for work." She said. "Oh! The kids! They're actually at the hospital right now!" Stan replied. "Oh my goodness! Are they ok?" Wendy replied to this. "Well, Dipper's fine. Mabel, though…" before Stan could finish, Wendy blurted in. "Is Mabel ok? Is she going to be fine?" Wendy asked again. "She got shot 17 times…" Stan replied, in a grim way. "Oh my god…" Wendy replied. "I'm coming over.." She said again.

Bill aimed his gun at the President. "Well, well, Mr. Trembly… We meet again…" Bill said. "Bill… Wait, Bill!? How!?" The president exclaimed in denial, grabbing a decorative sword shaped like a corn-dog off the wall. He was _very_ silly. Bill simply aimed, and shot the sword, causing it to fly out of the president's hand. He then began to charge the president. Trembly walked backwards, but Bill was faster, and ran into the president, knocking him down. Bill then held the gun to the president's head. "Now, now, Mr. President. Just sign here…" Bill said, pointing to his forehead. "N-No! I can't!" the president said. "Oh? Why not? You don't want to be… _vetoed…_ do you?" Bill said again. "It's.. It's… unconstitutional!" The president claimed. "Oh! It is, huh?" Bill pretended to ask. "While, I guess I'll just have to fix that!" He said again. He tied up the president and left.

Wendy and Soos walked into the hospital room. Dipper was pretty much fine now, and him and Stan were praying that Mabel would be ok. Wendy and Soos took a seat, at a loss of words. However, after a few minutes, a doctor came in. "We have good news. Mabel Pines is going to survive. The wounds were pretty superficial an-" the doctor was cut off. "MABEL!" Dipper screamed, jumping out of his hospital bed and running to hug his sister, who was just regaining consciousness.

Bill walked through DC, gunning down civilians and police. It was a wonder that he was not out of bullets yet. Lets just say his gun was infinite. He had finally gotten to the National Archives building. He walked in, gunning guards and shooting tourists. He continued this, walking through the building until he finally came into an ornate room. At the end of it was a pedestal, which had a glass box on it. Bill walked up to the glass box. The U.S. Declaration of Independance. Bill laughed maniacally. He crushed the glass, and grabbed the document. "Oh, hoh, hoh!" He laughed. He then ripped the document into tons of pieces, stuffed it inside himself, and made his way back to the White House.

Dipper was hugging a heavily bandaged Mabel, when a warning on the TV came on. It was like those ones when there's like a tornado or a hurricane or something, like, you know what I mean? So, anyways, that happened, and on the screen it showed a news reporter in Washington DC. "Oh god, it appears as though there is a massive shooting in DC! It's… So frenzied.. We don't even know what's going on but people are getting shot left and right! Hey, who is that? Is that… a… paper? OH GOD HE'S GONNA SHOO- GLAUHRGG!" The news reporter screamed, being shot by Bill. Shortly after, he shot the camera, causing it to go to black. Soos, Wendy, and Stan were confused. However, Dipper was in disbelief. "No way…" He said, in shock. Mabel had a look of extreme guilt. "G… Guys… I… have something to tell you…" She said, choking back tears. "What's wrong Mabel? Go ahead…" Dipper said in a sympathetic tone. "I… I... " Mabel couldn't even say it. After a minute that seemed like a week, she finally choked it out. "I… summoned him…."

"Well, well, good ol' Trembly. Looks like there ain't anymore constitution to go by anymore…" Bill said, holding out the ripped Declaration, and handing a blue pen to the president. "I'll-I'll never help you, you scum!" Trembly replied. Bill just shrugged. "Works for me!" He said, shooting the president dead. Without a constitution, there was nothing to say that the signature couldn't be forged. Bill took the pen, and very slowly and deliberately wrote in cursive "Quentin Trembly" The letters turned red hot on his head before singeing into him, so that the signature was black and embedded into Bill. His "BILL" Pin began to shine. When it was done, it had morphed into a much larger, much more ornate "LAW" pin.

Dipper's sympathy instantly turned to rage. "You WHAT!? MABEL! YOU IDIOT! THE END OF THE WORLD IS GONNA HAPPEN, THAT RAGING PSYCHOPATH IS GOING TO BECOME A LAW AND KILL EVERYONE BECAUSE YOU SUMMONED HIM! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT!?" Dipper screamed in his sister's face. She just cupped her hands in her eyes and cried. Everyone looked at Dipper like he just shot a baby animal. "Dipper… You… died… Remember your dream? It wasn't a dream… I just wanted to bring you back to life… I missed you…" Mabel replied to Dipper's onslaught. Dipper instantly felt like a shitty turd, and almost began crying himself. He just left the room, knowing that he acted like a little bitch and was probably not welcome.

Ford screamed at the agents keeping him captive as the TV showed the chaos in DC. "YOU INSOLENT IDIOTS! IF YOU DIDN'T LOCK ME UP, THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED, WOULD IT?" he yelled. "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! WE'RE TRYING TO FIX IT!" The agents yelled. They were contacting every other one of the agencys like this around the globe, knowing this was a possibly world-ending situation. They decided to let Ford out and offer him a ride as compensation for not letting FUCKING STOP THE END OF THE WORLD. As a call from Stan said, the twins where at the hospital, so he decided to go there.

Dipper was just sitting outside the room on a chair, thinking about what he just did. His sister might make him do ridiculous shit so she can have her way, but she didn't deserve that. However, just then, his Grunkle Ford walked up. "Dipper, why are you outside of the room and crying." Dipper explained what had gone down. "Dipper… don't worry. We're going to fix this. Somehow…" Grunkle Ford said to Dipper. They both walked into the room. Grunkle Ford explained that this was nobody's fault and that they would somehow fix it. "The only problem is that we need a ride to DC… And we have no aircrafts that we can use…" Ford said. Just then, someone stepped into the room. It was the chief of police. "I might be able to do something about that…"

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 **Hi children! Sorry for the short chapter, now you better review before Bill shoots you, too!**


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